he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
