why do cheetos always look like penises
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
