We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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