Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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