in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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