i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
