Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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