dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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