omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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