I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
