You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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