My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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