this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
