i need an iv and a liver transplant
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
