i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
