You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
