My sheets look like a crime scene.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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