My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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