She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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