He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
