i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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