i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
