i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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