Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
