So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Let's paint friendship bongs
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
