If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
