Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
