All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
