You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
