laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
