dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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