Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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