genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
