my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
