shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We are all done wearing pants today
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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