How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he shaved USA in his pubs
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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