As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
