new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
