We got so high we made milksteak
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
