My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
