Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
