This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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