come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
