Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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