I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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