Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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