Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
