Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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