I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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