I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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