she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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