Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
