Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
