I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
