His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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